Building self-esteem - the Buddhist way
Thanissaro Bhikkhu
Throughout the history of Buddhism, the Buddha has been described as
a doctor, treating spiritual ills. The path of practice he taught has
likewise served as therapy for suffering hearts and minds.
This understanding of the Buddha and his teachings dates back to the
earliest texts, but its meaning for contemporary practitioners has
become more relevant than ever. Buddhist meditation is often touted as a
form of healing, and many psychotherapists now recommend that their
patients try meditation as part of their treatment.
But the Buddha understood - and experience has shown that meditation
on its own can't provide a total therapy. It requires outside support.
In many ways, modern meditators have been so destabilised by the
stimuli of mass civilisation that they often lack the resilience,
persistence, and self-esteem needed to achieve concentration and
cultivate insight.
To provide grounding in these qualities, and to foster a personal
environment conducive to meditation, the Buddha prescribed a path made
up not only of mindfulness, concentration, and insight practices, but
also of virtue.
And virtue begins with the Five Precepts, which are: to refrain from
intentionally killing any animal, from insects on up the evolutionary
ladder; to refrain from stealing; to refrain from illicit sex, that is,
sexual intercourse outside of a stable, committed relationship; to
refrain from lying; to refrain from intoxicants (such as alcohol,
marijuana, and psychotropic drugs).
These precepts constitute the first step on the path. There is a
tendency to dismiss them as Sunday-school rules bound to old cultural
norms that no longer apply to modern society, but this misses the role
that the Buddha intended for them: to be part of a therapy for wounded
minds.
In particular, they are aimed at curing two ailments that underlie
low self-esteem and block progress on the path - regret and denial.
When our actions don't measure up to certain standards of behaviour,
we either regret the actions or engage in one of two kinds of denial -
denying that our actions did, in fact, happen, or denying that the
standards of measurement are really valid.
These responses are like wounds in the mind. Regret is an open wound,
tender to the touch, while denial is like hardened scar tissue twisted
around a tender spot. When the mind is wounded in these ways, it can't
settle down comfortably in the present, for it finds itself resting on
raw, exposed flesh or calcified knots.
This is where the Five Precepts come in. Healthy self-esteem comes
from living up to a set of standards that is practical, clear-cut,
humane, and worthy of respect. The precepts provide just such a set of
standards. The standards are simple.
They may not always be easy or convenient, but they are always
possible to live by. Some people translate the precepts into standards
that sound more lofty or noble. To some, taking the second precept, for
example, means not abusing the planet's resources. But that's an
impossibly high standard.
The Buddha understood that if you give people standards that take a
little effort and mindfulness but are still possible to meet, their
self-esteem soars dramatically as they find themselves actually meeting
those standards. They can then face more demanding tasks with
confidence.
The precepts are formulated with no ifs, ands, or buts. This means
that they provide very clear guidance. There's no room for waffling or
less-than-honest rationalisations. An action either fits in with the
precepts or it doesn't.
Anyone who has raised children has found that while they may complain
about hard and fast rules, they actually feel more secure with them than
with rules that are vague and always open to negotiation. Clear-cut
rules don't allow for unspoken agendas to come sneaking in the back door
of the mind.
If, for example, the precept against killing allowed you to kill
living beings when their presence is inconvenient-as in the case of
mosquitoes - that would place your convenience on a higher level than
your compassion for life. Convenience would become your unspoken
standard - and unspoken standards provide huge tracts of fertile ground
for hypocrisy and denial to grow.
If, however, you stick by the standards of the precepts, then you are
providing unlimited safety for all. In terms of other precepts, you
provide safety for their possessions and their sexuality, and
truthfulness and mindfulness in your communication with them.
The precepts are humane both to the person who observes them and to
the people affected by his or her actions. If you observe them, you are
aligning yourself with the doctrine of karma, which teaches that the
most important powers shaping your experience of the world are the
intentional thoughts, words, and deeds you choose in the present moment.
This means that you are not insignificant. With every choice you make
- at home, at work, at play - you are exercising your power in the
ongoing shaping of the world. At the same time, this principle allows
you to measure yourself in terms that are entirely under your control:
your intentional actions in the present moment.
In other words, they don't force you to measure yourself in terms of
your looks, strength, brains, financial prowess, or any other criteria
that depend less on your present karma than they do on karma from the
past. Also, they don't play on feelings of guilt or force you to bemoan
your past lapses. Instead, they focus your attention on the ever-present
possibility of living up to your standards in the here and now.
When you adopt a set of standards, it's important to know whose
standards they are and to see where those standards come from, for in
effect you are joining their group, looking for their approval, and
accepting their criteria for right and wrong. In this case, you couldn't
ask for a better group to join: the Buddha and his noble disciples.
The Five Precepts, in the words of the Buddha, are "standards
appealing to the noble ones." From what the texts tell us of the noble
ones, they aren't people who accept standards simply on the basis of
popularity. They have put their lives on the line to see what leads to
true happiness and seen for themselves, for example, that all lying is
pathological, and that any sex outside a stable, committed relationship
is spiritually and emotionally, as well as physically, unsafe.
Other people might not respect you for living by the Five Precepts,
but noble ones do, and their respect is worth more than that of anyone
else in the world. You can look at the standards by which you live and
breathe comfortably as a full-fledged, responsible human being. For
that's what you are.
(Thanissaro Bhikkhu was ordained in the Thai forest tradition of
Buddhism in 1976. He has translated numerous Buddhist texts, among them
the Dhammapada)
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